Dating Dilemmas: How can I let people down gently?

Hi Senior Dating Agency,

I’ve been on the site a few days now and I have to say, I’m just not used to all of this attention. I’ve received a lot of views on my profile and quite a few messages  too. While the attention is great I’m finding it hard to respond to everyone, especially those that I don’t really have much in common with. I hate to ignore the messages because I know I wouldn’t like anyone to do that to me, but how do I go about it?

Mary

Hi Mary,

Thanks for taking the time to send in your question. We get a lot of these queries so don’t worry, you’re not the only one with this dilemma. Firstly, let me say that it’s great to hear that you’re getting lots of attention on the site, which obviously means you’ve got a great profile. Although great, the attention is clearly leading you to worry about ignoring those people who have sent you messages or even worse, appear rude.

Remember, there are thousands of people on the site and they’re all looking for something special. However, you can’t be expected to he compatible with every single one of them can you? So it’s only natural that there will be people who message you that don’t tick your boxes or grab your interest.

You’ve already touched upon the best way to deal with dilemma by mentioning that you don’t like to just ignore your messages, because you’d hate anyone to do that to you. So that’s exactly how you should tackle this problem – treat others how you would like to be treated.

A simple ‘thanks, but no thanks’ is all you need send. That way, you’re acknowledging that you received the message (so you’re not leaving anyone questioning) and you’re being polite. The best practice for this would be to thank them for sending the message, give them a reason as to why you don’t want to continue corresponding and them wish them well. Here’s an example;

‘Hi John, thanks for your message. I’m still fairly new to the site so still having a look around. However, I noticed that you live a quite far away and I’m looking for someone who is a little more local. I hope you understand.

All the best for your continued search.

Mary x’

This message is friendly, provides a reason as to why you are saying ‘thanks, but no thanks’, and doesn’t require a response.

If you’re finding that you are getting too much unwanted attention (be that from people who fall outside of your local area, your age range etc.) you can also apply some filters to your account. These are pre-set criteria which mean you won’t be notified of any messages, winks or gifts sent by members outside your choices. If a member outside of your filter settings sends you a message we’ll send them a ‘thanks, but no thanks’ email for you. It’s a simple as that! To set your inbox filters log into your account, click on ‘Account’ and then ‘Filtering’.

I hope this has been of some help to you Mary and I do hope that you can put this information to good use when you’re next on the site.

All the best in your search,

The Senior Dating Agency team