Dating Dilemmas: Will I ever get my confidence back?

Hi Senior Dating Agency,

I’ve been on my own for a long time, following the loss of my wife, and after years of being alone I really feel as though my confidence has gone. I joined the dating site hoping to meet mature daters like myself but so far I’ve not had the confidence to get in touch with anyone, let alone arrange a meeting. I’m stuck in a bit of a rut which I know I want to get out of, I’m just not sure how. Can you help? Anonymous

Hi Anonymous,

Firstly, let me tell you that this is one of the most popular questions we get asked so please know that you’re not alone. Suffering from low self esteem or lack of confidence is not a subject to be taken lightly and it’s one of the biggest factors that holds us back when it comes to many things in life, with dating being one of them. The trouble with confidence is that it’s not something you can just turn on and off at the flick of a switch. In reality it’s something that requires a complete change of mind and attitude, which unfortunately isn’t something that can happen over night. However, there are a few things that you can do to start working on your self-esteem and building up your confidence.

Be positive: It’s not rocket science by any means, but when we’re positive in our minds and general outlook on life, we’re generally happier people. So stop putting yourself down, stop focussing on the things you don’t like about yourself and start directing your energy on the things that make you great.

Do something new: Making simple changes to your routine can work wonders for your self-confidence; anything from starting a new hobby, joining a club or signing yourself up for a charity event. Not only will you be making a positive difference on your life, but you’ll also meet new people along the way, which is great for building upon your social skills.

Speak to a friend: Friends have the ability to see all of your great qualities; that’s why they’re friends with you. A quick catch up with an old friend is all you need to remind you why someone would be lucky to be with you.

Have a makeover: A makeover doesn’t have to be huge or expensive, it can be anything from a new haircut and colour, to buying a new outfit or updating your glasses. Making little changes will not only make you feel great about yourself but will probably attract a fair few compliments too, all going that little way to restoring your self-esteem.

Arrange a date: One of the scariest things about dating is having other people judge you. However, don’t forget that everyone is in the same boat. The more dates you go on the better you’ll become at it and therefore the more confident you’ll be. So take the plunge and send someone that first message today!

Get working on some of these points and hopefully you’ll be well on your way to restoring your confidence. I hope that helps you and wish you all the best for your online dating journey.

All the best,

The Senior Dating Agency team