Dating Dilemmas: Will I ever get my confidence back?

Hi Senior Dating Agency,

I’ve been on my own for a long time, following the loss of my wife, and after years of being alone I really feel as though my confidence has gone. I joined the dating site hoping to meet mature daters like myself but so far I’ve not had the confidence to get in touch with anyone, let alone arrange a meeting. I’m stuck in a bit of a rut which I know I want to get out of, I’m just not sure how. Can you help? Anonymous

Hi Anonymous,

Firstly, let me tell you that this is one of the most popular questions we get asked so please know that you’re not alone. Suffering from low self esteem or lack of confidence is not a subject to be taken lightly and it’s one of the biggest factors that holds us back when it comes to many things in life, with dating being one of them. The trouble with confidence is that it’s not something you can just turn on and off at the flick of a switch. In reality it’s something that requires a complete change of mind and attitude, which unfortunately isn’t something that can happen over night. However, there are a few things that you can do to start working on your self-esteem and building up your confidence.

Be positive: It’s not rocket science by any means, but when we’re positive in our minds and general outlook on life, we’re generally happier people. So stop putting yourself down, stop focussing on the things you don’t like about yourself and start directing your energy on the things that make you great.

Do something new: Making simple changes to your routine can work wonders for your self-confidence; anything from starting a new hobby, joining a club or signing yourself up for a charity event. Not only will you be making a positive difference on your life, but you’ll also meet new people along the way, which is great for building upon your social skills.

Speak to a friend: Friends have the ability to see all of your great qualities; that’s why they’re friends with you. A quick catch up with an old friend is all you need to remind you why someone would be lucky to be with you.

Have a makeover: A makeover doesn’t have to be huge or expensive, it can be anything from a new haircut and colour, to buying a new outfit or updating your glasses. Making little changes will not only make you feel great about yourself but will probably attract a fair few compliments too, all going that little way to restoring your self-esteem.

Arrange a date: One of the scariest things about dating is having other people judge you. However, don’t forget that everyone is in the same boat. The more dates you go on the better you’ll become at it and therefore the more confident you’ll be. So take the plunge and send someone that first message today!

Get working on some of these points and hopefully you’ll be well on your way to restoring your confidence. I hope that helps you and wish you all the best for your online dating journey.

All the best,

The Senior Dating Agency team

2013 Dating Resolutions Worth Keeping

Today (10th January) is the day that we are most likely to break out New Years resolutions (with the most popular resolutions this year being related to physical or emotional wellbeing according to allabouthealth.org.uk). That’s only 9 days after making them! Doesn’t say much for our willpower does it?

If you’re struggling with your New Years resolutions, or you’ve given up on yours already, why not take a look at our dating resolutions that are sure to make you a better dater in 2013. By taking our advice and making some changes to the way you date, you’re likely to be making some positive changes for your physical and emotional well being too. We think they’re worth keeping!

Let go of any baggage – This year let go of any bad feelings you’ve been harbouring from past relationships. We’ve all got history of some kind whether it’s an ex partner, a messy divorce, or feelings that you can’t seem to shift. However, now is the time to put anything that has happened previously down to experience, and learn from it. Stop wasting time on old feelings and this year, remember to ‘love like you’ve never been hurt’.

Change your outlook – If you’ve been single for a while it can be all too easy to have a ‘poor old me’ attitude. However, just because you haven’t got a partner doesn’t mean you’re any less attractive, successful or deserving than anyone else. So change your outlook from negative to positive because when you take the steps to be the most happy version of yourself, you will be in the right place, personally, to find the perfect companion.

Take up a new hobby – If you’re passionate about something or fancy learning a new skill then the New Year is the perfect time. By taking up a new hobby or enrolling in a class you’ll not only be doing something you love, but you’ll also have the opportunity to meet lots of new people. Best of all, if you do meet anyone you’ll already have one thing in common.

Change your routine – It may sound silly but even making small changes to your daily routine could lead to new love. Think about it; if you take the same route to town every day, visit them same coffee house and mingle in the same social circles, you’re probably going to meet the same types of people. However, by making simple changes to your routine you’re effectively changing the types of people you’re coming in contact with and you never know, you might just meet the person of your dreams.

Say ‘Yes’ to more dates – Sometimes we dismiss people too easily because they haven’t got the right look, we don’t have enough things in common with them or simply because we’re too scared to put ourselves out there. However, if you’re serious about finding someone maybe it’s time to let go of your ‘type’, stop thinking of reasons why you can’t date someone and just say yes. The more dates you go on the more you’ll realise exactly what it is you do want. Besides, you’ll have lots of fun along the way.

Get online – If you put your love life on hold last year because you were too busy with other things then why not make this year the year for finding love. Online dating makes it so much easier to broaden your horizons, meet new people and find exactly what it is you’re looking for. You can browse, find and chat to other singles from the comfort and safety of your own home so there really is no excuse.

So what are you waiting for? It’s not too late to make some new resolutions for a better year ahead. Who knows what could happen in 2013?