Dating Dilemmas: Will I ever get my confidence back?

Hi Senior Dating Agency,

I’ve been on my own for a long time, following the loss of my wife, and after years of being alone I really feel as though my confidence has gone. I joined the dating site hoping to meet mature daters like myself but so far I’ve not had the confidence to get in touch with anyone, let alone arrange a meeting. I’m stuck in a bit of a rut which I know I want to get out of, I’m just not sure how. Can you help? Anonymous

Hi Anonymous,

Firstly, let me tell you that this is one of the most popular questions we get asked so please know that you’re not alone. Suffering from low self esteem or lack of confidence is not a subject to be taken lightly and it’s one of the biggest factors that holds us back when it comes to many things in life, with dating being one of them. The trouble with confidence is that it’s not something you can just turn on and off at the flick of a switch. In reality it’s something that requires a complete change of mind and attitude, which unfortunately isn’t something that can happen over night. However, there are a few things that you can do to start working on your self-esteem and building up your confidence.

Be positive: It’s not rocket science by any means, but when we’re positive in our minds and general outlook on life, we’re generally happier people. So stop putting yourself down, stop focussing on the things you don’t like about yourself and start directing your energy on the things that make you great.

Do something new: Making simple changes to your routine can work wonders for your self-confidence; anything from starting a new hobby, joining a club or signing yourself up for a charity event. Not only will you be making a positive difference on your life, but you’ll also meet new people along the way, which is great for building upon your social skills.

Speak to a friend: Friends have the ability to see all of your great qualities; that’s why they’re friends with you. A quick catch up with an old friend is all you need to remind you why someone would be lucky to be with you.

Have a makeover: A makeover doesn’t have to be huge or expensive, it can be anything from a new haircut and colour, to buying a new outfit or updating your glasses. Making little changes will not only make you feel great about yourself but will probably attract a fair few compliments too, all going that little way to restoring your self-esteem.

Arrange a date: One of the scariest things about dating is having other people judge you. However, don’t forget that everyone is in the same boat. The more dates you go on the better you’ll become at it and therefore the more confident you’ll be. So take the plunge and send someone that first message today!

Get working on some of these points and hopefully you’ll be well on your way to restoring your confidence. I hope that helps you and wish you all the best for your online dating journey.

All the best,

The Senior Dating Agency team

Dating Dilemmas: I’m worried my family won’t accept my new man

Hi Senior Dating Agency. I’m wondering if you can help me with a dilemma – more set my mind at rest I think. I recently met a lovely man on your site and we’ve been dating regularly. However,  even though my children are grown up and living their own lives, I’m worried that they won’t accept him. I’ve only been widowed a year and although I’m ready for companionship I worry that they will think it’s too soon. Should I tell them or should I keep it to myself for a bit longer?

Thanks, Jan x

Hi Jan,

First and foremost let us say congratulations for meeting someone on the site. That’s fantastic news and not something that you should be ashamed of at all. Losing someone is never easy and the truth is, you’ll never forget that person, or stop loving them for that matter. However, you can’t let that stop you from moving on with your life. We all crave companionship (the type you can’t get from friends and family) so you shouldn’t feel guilty. Remember, it’s your life not theirs and you deserve to be happy.

Without having met your children I can only assume that they would want the best for you. As they are grown up and leading their own lives, I’m sure they would be want you to be happy too.

If you’re nervous, start by telling your family that you’ve joined a mature dating service and see what they think of that. Chances are they’ll think it’s a great idea that your thinking about meeting someone new and moving on with your life. However, why not just bite the bullet and introduce your family to your new man. I’m sure that they’ll love him just as much as you do, see how happy you are and welcome him into the family.

Hope that’s helped a little.

The Senior Dating Agency

Dating Dilemmas: Why haven’t I found anyone yet?

I give up! I think my profile is ok so what is wrong with me? I am going to leave this site soon if I don’t get any good contacts.

John

Thanks for getting in touch John and please don’t give up! Online dating is no different to ‘regular dating’ in the respect that you can’t expect things to happen over night. Despite what many people think, online dating isn’t a fast-track way to find love. So be patient, invest time, get your profile right and don’t give up hope if you haven’t fallen in love after a week. You can find some helpful profile tips and pointers on our blog too!

Dating Dilemmas: Should I go on the date?

Hi Senior Dating Agency,

I’ve been using your dating site for a few months now and I must say I thoroughly enjoy it. I like being able to switch on my computer and knowing there will be people on the other end to talk to. However, I’ve gotten so used to just talking to people online, and after being on my own for many years, I’m scared about meeting anyone in person.

Recently, I’ve been talking frequently with a very nice man and he’s asked if I’d like to meet for a coffee. I really would like to meet up with him because we have a lot in common but I’m a bit worried about going on a ‘date’. Can you give me any advise?

Janet

Hi Janet and thanks for getting in touch because this is a common concern. Getting back into dating can be hard especially if you have been away from the dating scene for quite sometime, but you’ve really no need to worry.

In the first instance, you need to address your own confidence issues. What are your reasons for not wanting to go on a date? In most peoples cases it’s the fear of rejection but you can’t let that hold you back forever. There can be an element of hiding behind your computer as you feel safe and in your comfort zone and although online dating is wonderful way to make new friends and find potential partners, the whole point of it is that you eventually log off and meet these new people in ‘real life’.

To begin with I’d advise swapping telephone numbers  and suggesting a phone call. That way you can test the waters (so to speak) and make sure that you can hold a conversation over the phone as well as online. If that goes well then I’d definitely suggest saying yes to that date. What’s the worst that could happen?

Meeting for a coffee is great as it allows you to talk to one another face to face in a very relaxed environment, meaning you can suss out the real life chemistry without there being too much (if any) pressure.

We only have a short life, so don’t waste time by not meeting. I hope this helped you to come to a decision about what to do. Let us know how it goes, and good luck!

The Senior Dating Agency team

Dating Dilemmas: How can I let people down gently?

Hi Senior Dating Agency,

I’ve been on the site a few days now and I have to say, I’m just not used to all of this attention. I’ve received a lot of views on my profile and quite a few messages  too. While the attention is great I’m finding it hard to respond to everyone, especially those that I don’t really have much in common with. I hate to ignore the messages because I know I wouldn’t like anyone to do that to me, but how do I go about it?

Mary

Hi Mary,

Thanks for taking the time to send in your question. We get a lot of these queries so don’t worry, you’re not the only one with this dilemma. Firstly, let me say that it’s great to hear that you’re getting lots of attention on the site, which obviously means you’ve got a great profile. Although great, the attention is clearly leading you to worry about ignoring those people who have sent you messages or even worse, appear rude.

Remember, there are thousands of people on the site and they’re all looking for something special. However, you can’t be expected to he compatible with every single one of them can you? So it’s only natural that there will be people who message you that don’t tick your boxes or grab your interest.

You’ve already touched upon the best way to deal with dilemma by mentioning that you don’t like to just ignore your messages, because you’d hate anyone to do that to you. So that’s exactly how you should tackle this problem – treat others how you would like to be treated.

A simple ‘thanks, but no thanks’ is all you need send. That way, you’re acknowledging that you received the message (so you’re not leaving anyone questioning) and you’re being polite. The best practice for this would be to thank them for sending the message, give them a reason as to why you don’t want to continue corresponding and them wish them well. Here’s an example;

‘Hi John, thanks for your message. I’m still fairly new to the site so still having a look around. However, I noticed that you live a quite far away and I’m looking for someone who is a little more local. I hope you understand.

All the best for your continued search.

Mary x’

This message is friendly, provides a reason as to why you are saying ‘thanks, but no thanks’, and doesn’t require a response.

If you’re finding that you are getting too much unwanted attention (be that from people who fall outside of your local area, your age range etc.) you can also apply some filters to your account. These are pre-set criteria which mean you won’t be notified of any messages, winks or gifts sent by members outside your choices. If a member outside of your filter settings sends you a message we’ll send them a ‘thanks, but no thanks’ email for you. It’s a simple as that! To set your inbox filters log into your account, click on ‘Account’ and then ‘Filtering’.

I hope this has been of some help to you Mary and I do hope that you can put this information to good use when you’re next on the site.

All the best in your search,

The Senior Dating Agency team

Ask us, we’re here to help!

Here at The Senior Dating Agency we know that dating isn’t always plain sailing. In fact, dating is one of life’s biggest challenges; Without any concrete guidelines, how is the novice romantic supposed to decode signals and navigate those early stages? Knowing what to say, how to act, how fast to move, where to go on a first date if there will be a second date and so on.

Well at The Senior Dating Agency we want you to know that you’re not alone and that we’re here to help whenever you need it! You may have already seen our ‘Dating Dilemmas’ section on our blog where we’ve already answered the questions of some of our members. So if you’ve got a dating dilemma of your own or you simply need some dating tips and advice get in contact!

You can send your dating dilemmas to aloudon@globalpersonals.co.uk and we’ll get back to you via email. If you don’t mind we’ll also answer your question on our blog too, just in case anyone else has the same question (and don’t worry, you can choose to remain anonymous should you wish).

So if you need some help or advice, however big or small, please do get in contact with us.

We look forward to hearing from you.

TheSeniorDatingAgency.com team

Dating Dilemmas: I’m worried about using my real name

Hi Senior Dating Agency,

I always use a pseudo name when I’m online because I’m worried about putting myself out there for everyone to see. Once I get talking to someone properly and I feel a little more comfortable with them I tell them my real name however, on a couple of occasions the person I’ve been communicating with has been put out and questioned my motives. Is it strange behaviour on my part?

Thanks

Jill (my real name)

Hi Jill,

Firstly thank you for submitting your question as this is a common concern when it comes to online dating.  Many people get wary about putting their personal details such as name, age and location on the internet but rest assured because you really have nothing to worry about. These details are the basics that are required from every member on the site and are only used so that you can be found by other members using the search facility. For example, if you were to lie about your age or the region you live in thinking you’re protecting yourself, you could actually be preventing your perfect match from contacting you or risk being contacted by someone who isn’t a match.

Basic details like your name, age and region that you live in can’t actually be used by another person for any reason. Think about it – how many other 54 year olds named Jill probably live in Oxford? We also encourage you to tell us your postcode so that we can provide you will accurate results and help better match you with singles in your area. Find out more about the importance of postcodes.

We always advise members against posting their full address, phone number or email address in their personal profiles and in fact, it is actually against our terms of use to do so. This is because these details are slightly more personal and should only ever be given out to someone you have trust. For this reason we encourage members to give out these kinds of details, should they wish to, over private message but again, we would only advise this once you have built up a rapport with someone.

Lastly, I know online dating can sometimes feel a little daunting to begin with but try to relax in the knowledge that everyone on the site is on there for a genuine reason just like yourself. You’re here to make real connections so stop hiding behind your pseudo name and start telling the truth about yourself. You never know who might fall in love with you. However, if you still have your doubts or want to talk about anything regarding your personal details you can always ring our friendly customer care line on 0800 987 5555.

Hope that helps,

The Senior Dating Agency

Dating Dilemmas: Should I make the first move?

Hello The Senior Dating Agency.com,

I’ve recently joined your mature dating service and to be honest I haven’t got off to a great start. It might be my own fault because I haven’t sent any messages but, truth be told, I find the whole process somewhat daunting. It’s usually the gentleman who makes the first move but I’ve never done this online dating thing before so I don’t know if the same rules reply. Should I be sending the first messages and if so, how do I know what to say? All this online dating is new business to me.

Please help otherwise I fear I will never get anywhere? Tim

Hi Tim and thank you for your question, as I think it’s a problem that many people using mature dating sites for the first time encounter. You finally get to grips with dating in the ‘real world’ and then you find yourself online dating with a whole new rule book to follow. However, rest assured that online dating really isn’t that different from the more conventional ways of dating that you are used to. In some ways online dating can be a little easier as it enables you to really get to know someone before committing to meeting them in person.

So to tackle your first question – should you be sending the first message, or in other words, making the first move? This is really up to you. There are no rules when it comes to sending a first message so we wouldn’t say that it’s down to anyone to make the first move. The only advice we would give you is if you like someone go for it, they’ll never know if you’re interested if you just hide behind your computer screen. Even better, we would advise you to use our ‘Ice Breaker’ facility as soon as you’ve completed your profile. An Ice Breaker is exactly what it sounds like – a message which allows you to break the ice. We’ve got more information about our Ice Breaker facility over here in our mature dating ‘How To’ section. In answer to your second question – ‘how do you know what to say’ – why not take a look at some of our Ice Breaker examples to help you get started.

Lastly, don’t let the fear of rejection hold you back and definitely don’t wait for someone else to make the first move. Be pro-active, put yourself out there, and start making new connections today.

We hope that helps you Tim,

The Senior Dating Agency

Dating Dilemmas: Should I try online dating?

Hi Senior Dating Agency…

I’ve been on my own now for about 5 years and at times I do find it lonely. I miss the little things like going for a coffee and having someone to sit with, even if we’re both readings the papers, or someone to share a meal with – it’s no fun cooking for one all the time.  Anyway, my daughter keeps telling me I should get online and sign up to a mature dating site but I’m not so sure.  I’m not exactly a whizz on the computer and I’m scared to put my details online.

Can you help?

Judy

Hi Judy, thanks for writing in. We get a lot of queries very similar to your one so don’t worry, you’re not alone. It’s understandable to be a little weary about joining an online dating site especially if you’ve never done anything like this before. However, you really have got nothing to worry about.

You don’t need to be a whizz on the computer and in all honestly, not all of our mature daters are. However, as long as you’ve got the basics for example, you can open up the Internet, locate the website and send a message (which is no different to an email) you’ll have all the skills you need. And should you ever get stuck you can always ring our friendly Customer Care team who are based in the UK. They will always be more than happy to give you a tutorial on how to use the site over the phone or fix any problems should you become a little stuck.

With regards to putting your details online you can be sure that they are safe with us. As long as you don’t disclose personal details, such as phone numbers or addresses, you have nothing to worry about. We will always keep your password and account details safe and where you see the padlock sign on the payment page you will know that your payment is secure. Aside from this we do have an in-house moderation team who check and moderate every profile, first message, and photo that gets submitted to the site. This way we can make sure that all members are sticking to the guidelines of the site and that everyone who joins is a genuine member.

Our mature dating service is 100% dedicated to those who are looking for love, companionship, or simply friendship later in life. So everyone that you find using our online dating service will be in a similar situation to yourself, whether that be widowed, separated or someone who may never have found love.

Finally we really do think your daughter is right- the best way to meet someone is to put yourself out there and join a mature dating site. Life is much better when it’s shared and there could be someone out there just waiting for you to come along and complete them too.

Thanks

The Senior Dating Agency team